Sunday, 9 December 2012

Classy Wreath!

I just can't help but wonder how long it lasts before it starts to smell.

I do love sprouts though. Do you?

Sunday, 2 December 2012

It's December!

The festive season is upon us and I am very excited. This year I've been thinking about what to get for people and, of course, myself.

One tree appeared up in our street over a week ago. Newly moved in and clearly unaware of the Avenue etiquette. No trees before December.  One house fires theirs up on December 1st. I can imagine the desperation to decorate must be overwhelming. We're more laid back here. Tree goes up mid December, after all, Christmas is not just about commercialisation but about Baby Jesus and giant inflatable snowmen. Freaky.

I bought an advent calendar, a proper cardboard one where you break nails trying to open windows. Mum not impressed because so far window 1 had Mary, Joseph and the baby. That should have been on the last day apparently.  Ah well, trying to make a point in my stand against commercial Christmas. 

Trying to work out how to drop box photos from my iPhone.  I saw these and saw dollar signs:

And then I couldn't be bothered. Should have though shouldn't I.

I have heard of a new American confectionary via Bartlam - Ding Dong. *snickers* it's up there with 'fanny packs' and 'Walmart,'. Actually I'd like to go to Walmart.  It' as one of those places where you can get anything. What can't you get there? Besides human organs?

With the festive season usually comes the sickness, both viral and alcohol induced. Someone saw a gap in the market:

Well I'm off to do play a new game called 'froad'. No idea, Amazon app for android giving away a free app a day. Fabulous!


Sunday, 18 November 2012

The Demise of the Twinkie

So the Twinkie is no more and people are going insane and stocking up on the odd American snack.

I tried a Twinkie a few years ago and felt my insides corrode.

American confectionery is quite popular here, mainly the sodas, but the Twinkies remain on the shelves.

Now is the time is ask the Token American a relevant question:

Bartlam - what makes the Twinkie so great? I would like to share some of our coveted confectionery with you.

I eagerly await your answer.

Friday, 2 November 2012

'Friday at the Nobody Inn'

That is the title of a book I want to read. It is on my Amazon wish list which is now ENORMOUS. Have you people got a wish list?

There are only seven of us in the office today. This means that you can hear a pin drop or in my case when I knocked over heavy files the noise was something else. Whoops. Think everyone was pleased with the momentary distraction.

I'm reading 'The Final Diagnosis' by Arthur Hailey. I am now obsessed and after writing down a list of his books, I have 8 out of 11.

It's coming up to one year since I started this blog and I shall be doing a review once I hit 31. I'm looking forward to seeing what I've done did in the last 12 months.

This weekend my plans are to finish 'The Final Diagnosis'. If you like Sidney Sheldon you'll like Arthur Hailey. I really want to be American.

Bartlam - What's it like being an American?

If I was American I would be the size of a house and most definitely not vegetarian although I believe vegetarianism is quite good over there unless you live in the south where they eat their young. Apparently.

I'm going to see 'Follow' which is some kind of interpretive dance and have to write a review for View magazine. I have also cancelled my driving lesson, again, losing interest thick and fast. I intend to get rich and have a chauffeur.

So...being American......

*waits for Bartlam's reply*

Wednesday, 31 October 2012

So it's actually Halloween

And I have three photos for you:

Oh yeah! Badass pumpkin.

And my Halloween viewing:


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Sunday, 28 October 2012

Rabid Cow

Yes please, I would love a cream jug that pukes cream on to my pudding.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Saturday, 27 October 2012

Hallowe'en is comin'

It's Saturday night and town is getting ready to receive the costumed people in their masses.

I, on the other hand, am trying to convince myself to watch a film but my book is very tempting.

Arthur Hailey. I mentioned him a few pages back. I was open mouthed at a sentence yesterday before realising that it had been written in the 60s and not recently. Hailey described a character as: 'a buxom, perpetually cheerful Negress'. and she 'spoke' like she was illiterate and 'stereotypically' had 9 kids, one on the way.

"Why, ah neva felt so important befo in all mah life!"

Because all the white people in the book were well spoken and with important careers.

I've been loving the blog updates from Bartlam - socks and sandals fan, Katrina - a fantastic photographer and
Linda , the best Alan Partridge impersonator I have ever seen.

I bought a small pumpkin today to create a piece of art but expect the usual triangle eyes, nose and mouth. I give my pumpkins ears though. Do you?

The dog is terrified of the bangers and fireworks so I had BBC World Service radio on all night to 'distract' her. I'd be distracted too if I got hours of international politics in my ears. Thankfully(?) my ears don't work anyway so I wasn't kept awake.

Wonder what Penny made of the Berlusconi 'jail term'. He'll never see the inside of a cell. Ever.

Been watching a few American serial killer documentaries lately.

Bartlam is my token American:

Bartlam - do you ever hear of murders by mental people round your way? Like properly orchestrated murders? I really must visit the states someday. I'd love to visit little places with eerie tales. Bartlam - ever visited the Winchester mansion?

I think Bartlam will be my go-to for any American related questions I have.

Discovered a handy app for iPhone for blogging. This.

My newish netbook is really p1ss taking at the moment, so slow, I decided to have a look at the iPad mini. Too expensive for what I want it for and for what it is. Better buying an iPad. But an iPad won't fit in my downsized bag - it will but I can't think like that - so I went and pre-ordered the google nexus 32gb instead. Delivery has been put back a further 3 weeks! The case arrived today too. I put my name in stickers on it. Was going to cancel and just order the iPad but NO! I have my 'personalised' case now.

Ok that was a temporary filler post while I procrastinate and avoid the TV. Doesn't it look pretty though.

Look! America! *waves to Bartlam*

Oh here goes! - Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Sunday, 14 October 2012

Pizza Express Location

Pizza Express (green pin)

London in Photographs

Here are some of my photos from my London wander: 

The Shard
I still haven't seen the top of the Shard.

The British Musuem

The British Museum were having an American Plant thing going on outside and I quite liked the display. 


Look - A 'Sensitive Fern' aw!

I love these - echinacea flowers. They are dying admittedly but they still look fabulous!

Inside the British Museum:

'Living and Dying' room:

I like this statue - You're most like to see this in the first room you wander in to.  It's in the same room as a lot of weird things including the (fake) Crystal Skull, some coffins and hypodermic needles.

This statue is, of course, one of the Easter Island statues, called 'Moai'. 

I think it looks really cute though I'm not sure that's what they were intended to be.

A Coffin in the 'Living and Dying' themed room - these were made in Ghana.

A Coffin

This display is 'Cradle to Grave' by Pharmocopoeai. Read more about it here.


Tiles with Caligraphic decoration (Islamic World gallery)

I hate to admit that I've forgotten this one but it is connected to Islamic prayers:


Horse Armour!

This Buddha was in the Korea Gallery (as well as the Horse Armour)


Eerie, the head looks so wrong. Here's what I say to those who 'obtained' it thought: 'PUT IT BACK WHERE YOU GOT IT FROM! 


The corridor leading to the book shop

These things are quite tiny, you could hold them in your fist, the detail of the netsuke are amazing! Most are made from bone or ivory and as much as I want one I'd rather have bone or a fake plastic one. 

Neal's Yard, Covent Gardens

So there you have it - a random selection of photos from my trip to London!

London - Pt 1

At the beginning of October I went to London for a few days - it was for work except work cancelled and I decided to go anyway.

Being overly keen to depart the Emerald Isle I might have arrived too early so I took up residence in the lounge and did my arrowords while waiting for my (tiny) plane.

On the first night (I arrived on a Saturday) I went to The Intrepid Fox (great bar in central London that plays rock/metal) with some people and discovered someone still uses Impulse deodorant. I thought that stuff had died out in the 90s/early 00s. Clearly not. 

David was having a great time, his double whiskey/pint of Guinness to every single Vodka/Redbull I'd had meant that he was away with the fairies by the time we left.

I didn't do very much on the Sunday because I felt sick from imbibing too much Redbull. Never mind the vodka, it was definitely the Redbull. The heartburn was something else.

On Monday I was happy to lie down most of the day, I was still feeling 'off' and I watched 'Helicopter Heroes' - the title says it all.  Everybody was rescued and everybody lived. UK TV is wick.  USA TV is amazing.  I love the program where people bid on lock-ups. Odd but it works. I don't have Sky/Cable so no Honey Boo Boo for me.

Monday evening I went to meet my (twin) brother (photo above) at London Bridge, marveled at the Shard and ate pizza.  The new iOS6 map issue clearly hasn't been resolved as it placed Pizza Express in the middle of the River Thames.  London at night is fantastic. It is a whole different place. I love London in the Autumn. Just before walk beside the Thames you have to walk under two tunnels - The second tunnel is like a light show - sorry for the sh1t photo but you know, the LEDs do move very quick:

On Tuesday I had a few hours to kill (about 6) so I walked everywhere. I am obsessed with the British Museum so went there and visited the other parts I hadn't managed to get to the last 50 times I'd visited. Here are a few teaser shots:

I also went to Pizza Hut in Cambridge Circus, Trafalgar Square, The National Portrait Gallery, St Martins-in-the-Field Crypt, Forbidden Planet, Neal's Yard, Soho, St Giles, Shaftesbury Avenue.

I saw a GOLD postbox - to commemorate a Gold Medalist from the GB Olympics Team - not sure which one lives in Wimbledon but clearly someone does or it was a joke:

I have a lot of photos from London - I tried to make collages but they look naff so I'll put up another page and you can wow at the wonders of the British Museum!

I have the Absolute Classic Rock station on and am loving it.  Proper classic rock today. Just belted my heart out to Bohemian Rhapsody and  few other rock power ballads.  I am currently reading The Heroin Diaries by Nikki Sixx and Narcopolis by Jeet Thayil.

Thursday, 27 September 2012

Books - the epitome of contentment

Yes I know, I own too many already, I haven't read all of them and probably never will but look what came through the door today. Oh yeah! John Wyndham is fantastic, I loved The Chrysalids and recommend it to anyone who has good taste in books.

It's ok, the overbuying you know. I'm I member of the Book Addicts forum, the thread where people admit to overbuying and not always reading I am not alone!

Admit it! You do it too.

Thursday, 20 September 2012

Notorious C.A.T

Which of the neighbours has she eaten now....

Della is an elusive creature. I doubt anyone who lives here has actually seen her in the 13 years she's prowled this earth. Stealth Cat. Shoulda been SAS.

Sunday, 16 September 2012

Monday, 10 September 2012

Starry shoes? Yes please.

Awe and wonder. They're a bit of an odd shape, my feet distort in them. Maybe its my feet that are distorted.

I love my new foot bending shoes.

Sunday, 9 September 2012

Sunday Evening - the time before the dreaded Monday morning

Hello there!

I'm trying to eke out the last of my weekend before going back to work tomorrow.  I've only managed to watch one film and 3 episodes of Real Housewives of New York. One of the housewives is following me on twitter too. I am too cool for school. I watched a film called 'The Spiral Staircase' about a man who murders women who have 'something wrong with them.' I must say I was *surprised* when the murderer was revealed.  These old films are the best.

There is so much wrong with this picture. For a start, Christmas chocolate. It's only September and Halloween hasn't even been yet. This discounted chocolate means I'm going to start my winter gorging earlier than planned. Secondly product placement is a bit retarded and sums up today's society quite well I think.  I, personally, start thinking about Christmas towards the end of November. Working out how much to spend on presents but still leaving plenty of the paycheck for self-gifting. It's all about getting the priorities right.

This bee thing has good taste, this lovely, purple flower is part of a chocolate mint plant.  Actually. It smells like chocolate mint. CHOCOLATE MINT! I haven't actually used it for anything yet. Ideas welcome. I probably won't use any of them but feel free to suggest!

Monobrow Dog

Cauliflower cheese looks like congealed sick.  I tried it today for the first time and it wasn't bad. Think I'd rather have the sick on a separate plate please. It doesn't go with my peas.

This Gnome flowerpot thing was a gift to my Mum. I love it. Mum only kept it because it was given to her by someone special otherwise it would have been in the bin. There is clearly no accounting for taste...(Mum)

Told you I had an aspiring model.  Here is Andrew modelling the red neck look.

If I don't stop buying books I'm going to have to remove the legs of my bed and use books to hold it up. My book collection is now spreading under the bed. I'm going to have to have a chat with the parents. It's time they moved out (of their own home). I need the space.

Imagined conversation:

Parents: Why should we move out? It's our home.

Me: Don't be selfish. I didn't ask to be born. I wish you weren't my parents. I'm adopted. My real parents wouldn't do this to me.

Parents: Ah, good point. You are absolutely correct. We'll pack our bags and be gone within the hour.

Me: Winner.